Friday, February 6, 2009

Viva la India and God save the World!

The Answers are the Actual Responses by the Indian Tourism Website Officials.
(edit: Viva la India (plagiarism)...the rest of the title holds. These were off an Aussie Tourism Website doctored for the Indian subcontinent by an "inspired" Indian!!)

Q : Does it ever get windy in India ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q : Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water..

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India ? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa . Come naked.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( France )
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of....oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Which direction is North in India ? ( USA ) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India ? ( USA )
A: Any place where significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? ( Italy )
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? ( USA )
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)


A. I. said...


more gyan here >

1conoclast said...

I do not believe, even for a single moment that our Indian Tourism Website Officials could even read those questions, let alone come up with answers!

CAT said...

You are right there, 1con. This I believe is a desi version of what was genuinely on an Aussie Tourism Website.

I shall put in an edit.

Sigh though I do wish the Indian Tourism wallahs had a teeny weeny sense of humor! :(

1conoclast said...

But they do CAT!

What do you think they mean when they advertise clean bed-linen, clean bathrooms, comfortable stay in the MTDC hotels?

CAT said...

Of course this is their clean cut one-stop shop to con..oops..comfortable stays!

Am tickled, REALLY!

ŠĦÅŠĦWÃT said...

Living in America, this needs to be forwarded to a lot of friends!

CAT said...

hehehe, do that Shashwat!!