Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Template Regularly used while Responding by our "friendly" Neighbourhood

p.s.: This is not my original work /CAT
Dear Prime Minister Manmohan Singh/Atal Bihari Vajpayee /Narasimha Rao /Rajiv Gandhi,
Pakistan strongly condemns / is shocked by / is pleasantly surprised with the success of our "freedom fighters" in the loss of dozens / hundreds / thousands / millions of innocent lives in the bomb blasts / sniper attack / hijacking / religious riots / other disaster that occurred in a busy marketplace / train / housing colony / Indian parliament building / an upper-class hotel / temple in Mumbai / Delhi / Kashmir / Assam / Punjab / Gujarat / Other. The Pakistani citizens / soldiers / "freedom fighters" / "friendship agents" / students who were caught red-handed / found dead at the scene of the crime / convicted of the crime are actually undercover Indian / American / Israeli agents.
Any Pakistanis proven to be guilty of terrorism will be rewarded handsomely / dealt with severely / promoted to Lt. Colonel / given a new Indian passport and sent back to India / handed over to the Americans as proof of our commitment in the war on terror.
There are no Pakistani army-funded training camps / terrorist camps / madrasaas in Azad Kashmir / Afghanistan / Nepal / Bangladesh. The satellite images / photographs / eyewitness accounts / videotaped confessions obtained by the Indians is fraudulent / fake / inconclusive / are actually from Indian terrorist camps and part of a larger RAW / CIA conspiracy to destabilize the Pakistani government by stalling democracy / encouraging sectarian violence / undermining Pakistani institutions / causing the next military coup in Pakistan. A destabilized Pakistani government / mafia could cause Pakistan to become a dangerous nuclear WalMart / Target / Seven-Eleven and a terrorist breeding ground / university / research lab that would be worse for the world.
We hope this will not derail the peace process started with the recent India-Pakistan cricket series / Lahore bus yatra / Muzafarabad- Srinagar road opening / Bollywood peace concert / open borders initiative / other confidence-building measures.
We look forward to justifying further attacks against innocent civilians / resolving the core issue of Kashmir / developing best-of-breed plausible deniability defenses.
We stand by / are plotting against our Indian brethren in their hour / days / years / decades of pain.
Asif Ali Zardari -President, Pakistan / Chief Operating Officer, Taliban Inc. / General, Pakistani Army


Indian Home Maker said...

We have stopped feeling angry/hurt/outraged, and we have bounced back to normalcy/shown spirit of Mumbai/given up/resigned to our fates.
Blame Games / normal life. have started. We do nothing, because. we have no one to vote for/the choice is between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea ...

Brilliant post :)

CAT said...

Thank you! wish it were my original work though :(

I always say shift course from the "Slur" to the S.W.O.T. mode..more productive!

I recently attended a "change india" rally...jaago re was a part of the proceedings...the speaker rep was relating how one gentleman proudly proclaimed that he never votes and so was NOT responsible for the goons/goofballs (not all :)) sitting in our legislatures . Our man told him perhaps thats the reason the goons/goofballs were sitting there. 30% of the eligible voters r in the agegroup under 30 and only 20% of these actually vote.

I wanna b a little more optimistic this time and will register to vote. Its a shame that in all these many years I have voted only TWICE.

And in words of the jaago re rep....show them the finger this time....well the finger with the black inkspot of having voted.